Dan, I'm so sorry that your mother died......

When mom died, there were unseen "ripples" that travelled away at a steady but devastating rate.
It was a long time before I "felt" those ripples tear away at my very soul until I thought that I might go mad.
My young body could not grapple what was happening in my heart and...I felt all alone.
How I wish someone...anyone....would've even dared to whisper the existence of the elephant in the room: your mother is dead. I'm very sorry.
Maybe things would've been different if that had happened.....who can know such things?
Even so, it didn't happen and that fact alone.....made me feel just that....alone....because I knew that my mother was dead and surely my dad knew that his wife was dead and certainly my brothers and sister knew that their mother was dead......but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE spoke any words of comfort past the initial days of grieving together as is the custom of civil people.
My friends came the closest to speaking the words but comfort fell short of its mark and the words made me feel lonely and sad.
It's almost like my brother and I, did I mention that I have a twin.....were treated as if we were not capapable of any emotion, as if our young age alone somehow shielded us from the loss of the most important person in our lives.
Maybe those around us were just caught up in their own grief and so blinded by it?
You couldn't prove it by me.
I never saw any emotion, which is to say that I don't remember any and by the time I was old enough to have consisitent memory of that time, everyone had moved on and the "elephant" quickly dissipated into oblivion...a far off pain that became dull before it became ever-so-distant.
All the while I thought that I alone felt ripped off, that I alone felt the pain of loss and that I alone felt the sting of bitterness that stabbed at my heart like a dagger trying to rid me of any love that I had in my heart.
I felt utterely alone in my feelings.
And I was altered.....but, I was not alone in my suffering.
My brother was altered as well, although, it's taken me 40 years to see it and Dan's had 40 years of practicing his deceit, which is exactly what it is.
How could 2 children who carry 50% of the same DNA of the other go through the same tragedy and seemingly have 2 uniquely different reactions to it?
The answer is that we probably felt it the same way but we reacted very differently to it.
Dan would accuse me of over-reacting when I tried to speak of the "elephant in my world", which is to say I had any reaction, he simply wanted it and any reminder of it to go away.
Dan saw what daddy did and brother did and what sister did and......and.....and he modeled that beautifully!
Good job Dan.
"Lori, you just need to get over it because you make everyone feel bad when you bring up the fact that mother died."
Poor Lori.
That's how it felt to be in my family.
How I wish that I would've had someone to share my pain with, someone... like my brother, Dan.
Guess what?
Pain, if not dealt with properly, has a way of sneaking up on you and biting you in your proverbial butt.
The "elephant in my world" cost me dearly.
I was a wounded soul walking through this world in search of meaning and love and justice and love......
Eventually,Love found me....I was healed.
The elephant was put in its place and it no longer drove me and it no longer defined me.
Thank you, merciful Jesus, however, there is still lingering ripples that continue to reek havoc on hearts and lives.
How do I know?
Because, my brother, Dan, still buys into that initial modeling that he learned so many years ago and although the main characters of this tragedy have moved on nicely, Dan is still stuck, which recently has lit up my world like a bomb.
He obviously feels no connection to me, I know this because he makes no effort to see me or my family, he doesn't even acknowledge our shared birthday, the relationship we share is based on my efforts, not his, and while none of these are revelations to me, what is a revelation is the fact that it all started when his mother died.
His mother died.
It always felt like my mother died, not his.
After over 40 years though I have come to realize that Dan's mother died and that must have hurt him alot. If only someone...anyone...would've even dared to whisper any word of comfort in his direction.....maybe things would've been different.

Death of a Morality in WA state.

Here is a timeline of events depicting the death of morality in Washington state:

In 1998, The Defense of Marriage Act was enacted into law. It is a United States Federal Law that defined marriage between one man and one woman.


In July of 2006 the Washington Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the state legislature is permitted under the WA state constitution to limit marriage to opposite-sex couples. While the DOMA was upheld, the court noted that its ruling did not prevent the legislature from challenging the state law to allow same-sex marriage.

In July, 2007 the legislature created limited domestic partnerships (Andersen vs. King Co.) which conferred 11 of the rights of marriage to same sex couples.

In July, 2007-Initiative 957 was proposed by the WA Defense of Marriage Alliance in opposition to Andersen vs. King Co. Lawmakers backing the domestic partnership legislation have been open in stating that their ultimate goal is to expand marriage laws to include same-sex couples and they see the creation and expansion of domestic partnership as steps toward that goal. Civil Marriage Equality bills have been introduced to that end. Initiative 957 would put one part of Andersen vs. King Co. decision into law by making procreation a requirement for all marriages in WA state.
The initiative was struck down due to too few signatures to qualify for the November, 2007 ballot.

In May, 2009- Senate bill 5688- the "everything but marriage" bill amended many state laws and placed domestic partnerships on an equal footing as civil marriage. This bill was sponsored in the Senate by gay activist Rep. Ed Murray from the 43rd Congressional Dist. and in the House by gay activist Rep. Jamie Pedersen also from the 43rd dist. as well as Maureen Walsh from the 14th dist.
This law survived an electoral challenge through Referendum 71 with a 53% to 47% vote.

In April 2011 Gov. Gregoire signed into law treating out-of-state same-sex couples as domestic partnerships.

In February 2012- SB 6239-concerning civil marriage and domestic partnerships- legalized same-sex marriages and reversed the DOMA put in place in 1998. The language also converts most domestic partnerships not dissolved within 2 years into civil marriages. The language also includes the disturbing distinction of male/ female instead of man/woman taking out the humanity of civil marriages and opening the door to "other than human domestic partnerships".

Presently, WE the People have begun the process of over turning such a disgusting law through the petition process which we hope will put a referendum on the ballot in November.
Personally, I have no problem with gay persons and given the rights and priviledges afforded them in this state, I don't understand why this law was introduced. They have all the priviledges that marriage affords-EVERYTHING!!!!!!
To me, this law thumbs its nose at God and says: you don't exist.
God is the ONE who instituted marriage between Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve.
This perversion of God's Word makes me angry enough to offend the gay electorate of this state, which I never wanted to do, but the actions of this legislature and their supporters put me in this position.
I will FIGHT this to the bitter end because I love and serve an awesome God who gave us standards to live by.
This state legislature walks all over these standards in the name of "tolerance" and "compassion" and "political correctedness".

Portrait of Jesus Christ by Akiane, age 8

At the age of 3, Akiane began drawing pictures of heaven which was strange since her family claimed to be atheists.
Akiane continued her drawing and painting which included depictions of Jesus.
She also claimed to have been taken to heaven in dreams.
The faith of this little girl was so real to her family that they began to believe in God and are now serving Him.
Interesting.
Then, another story came along about a little boy named Colton who also claimed to have gone to heaven and came back with amazing stories, including see family members long deceased, hanging out with biblical characters and sitting with Jesus Himself.
Colton had actually died during an emergency surgery but was revived and recovered fully.
He was 4 at the time.
Many people showed Colton popular images of Jesus, to which he dismissed all because as he said the clothes were wrong or the hair color was wrong or his skin was the wrong color.....but when he saw the portrait of Jesus that Akiane had done, he found nothing wrong with it, in fact he said it WAS Jesus.

"Unless you come unto me as little children, you will not inherit the Kingdom of God."

I was recently challenged to speak about what the Lord has done for me recently.
Figuring this would be a great time to focus on the many blessings God has shown me, I decided to write it out.

We found out that we would be moving to another town, leaving behind our home and our friends and family.
This did not thrill me, but I was willing to be open to it, so I asked the Lord to convince me.
Then I asked Him to find us a renter for our home because I had recently started a new job that required that I work 72 hours a week.
Here are the chronological events that followed to the best of my recollection:

1. My friend, Nicole, told me that she got goosebumps when I told her the news. She was convinced that God had something amazing for us.
2. God found us a renter at the place where I was working temporarily who wanted exactly what our property offered. This renter ended up becoming almost like a son to me, in fact, I kept thinking that he was what I always wanted in a son, if I had had one.
3. My heart got on board. Thank you, Jesus.
4. God provided a home for us to rent despite the fact that many were moving to the area. There were no other apps on the home despite the competitive market.
4. God convinced our youngest daughter to come with us so she could finish her education.
5. God provided a family for our oldest daughter to stay with until she went away to college.

Pretty amazing how God provides for our specific needs isn't it?
I mean He really greased the wheels on this one.
Reminds me of how the Lord went before the Israelites in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night while escaping the Pharoah of Egypt.
Again, the Lord really showed up in a mighty way for them, didn't He?
So, why do I feel so weak and defeated?
I mean I really do trust in God's plan for us, I do.
But today that trust is not enough to stave off the sadness that is creeping into my heart.
I miss my friends.
I miss Lacey.
I miss familiarity.
Does this reaction nullify all that God has done?
I don't believe so.
The Lord is not put off by my weakness for it gives Him a good reason to lavish His abundant Grace upon me.
So, for today and perhaps tomorrow while I languish in my shell of despair I trust that the Lord is with me, holding me, Loving me.
That is enough.

"So much of what is bound up in us is our love of family that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty." poet, Haniel Long

Those words so resonate a vital truth in me, one that has been with me for probably longer than my memory could prove and surely must be divinely inspired. After all, God created the first family, taught us about Love, gave us an almost cruel sense of Eternity, then placed us in families, giving us the groundwork for life and leaving us hungry for more beyond it.
Brilliant, really.
Well played.
But wait.
We live in a fallen world in which Evil flourishes. What if, God forbid, our families lack the understanding of the gift that the Father gave to us and they squander it and make a mockery of it, what if they allow cruelty and unkind words to cross its threshhold so that the Refuge becomes a Battle Field leaving it undiscernable and nowhere near the standard of what God intended it to be.
What then?
Look at the words of the poem.
If there is little Love bound up, then there is little measure of Stability and little sense of Loyalty, with that comes so many maladies that plague the human condition; Anger, Fear, Loss, Grief, Confusion, Hate...
We must be good to our families, whatever form they take, for there is so much at stake and we must not put the idea of Family in a box, for they come in many forms. Mine came in the traditional sense; loving mom, dad, siblings, until loving mom was taken away and cruel replacement entered center-stage, creating the Conflict which ensnared me and nearly swallowed me, until I heard the words of a good friend who simply told me that if I could not find Love at home, find it somewhere else.
I found Love in my friends, therefore, they became my Family and I was not left longing for stability and loyalty, those things followed me all through my formative years and well into the dark years of puberty.
It was enough.
It got me through and eventually I grew up, built a bridge and got over it.
I survived with the knowledge that someday I would do it right.
I would Love my family and teach my children about Love, Honor, Courage, Faith, Kindness and Eternity, I would fight for its Honor and Integrity, and its Vitality and perhaps I would inspire a few along the way to follow a similiar path???
And I wouldn't take credit for it either, for the Glory goes to the Father. After all, it was His idea.
The unspoken message hidden in the the words of the poem if I may extrapolate, is in its implied promise: if we heeds those divinely inspired words, then we become who we are meant to be.

Wow, it has been a while since I've visited this space, something I hope to alleviate....soon.
Looking back over this past year or so I can certainly say it had its challenges.
Personally, as well as spiritually, I had some major "wilderness wanderings", our family fell into crisis, and before I knew it I had turned down a dark path that led to so much hurt and heartache that it astounds me even still. I knew better and chose worse.
What I learned from all of it is this: truly, no one is insulated or protected from the very worst of what we can become if we are not ever vigilant in God's presence, and though I hovered on the brink of destruction, God was faithful to deliver me back to a path towards healing and righteousness. Praise be to God our Father who never leaves us nor forsakes us.
While our family remains intact, this last year has left me feeling shaky and uncertain about our future, which is equally shaky and uncertain, not because of the past but because of what is happening now. Con has been travelling with his company for the past 10 months and recently we found out that we will be relocating to Spokane, which will require us to move, though we don't know when, only that it will be this summer.
In the meantime, I have been working at Energy NW for the refuel outage which has entailed 72 hour work weeks, nights, for the past 2 months. Now, I am only working 60 hours a week, but one can see how that schedule alone reeks havoc on our homelife. Con and I decided to have me stay, if possible, to the end of it which is scheduled for July 26th, to help with building a nest egg for our future.
Needless to say, it has been a crazy time, but, amazingly, as usual, God showed up and blessed me in spite of me and I can honestly say that, while the schedule is very difficult and the atmosphere at work is....less than polite, and there is continual drama pervading the plant, I can honestly say that I am glad to have done it and more than anything, God provided some incredible moments of ministry to a people who dwell in a very dark place. I feel blessed and honored to have had the opportunity to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with my co-workers.
This is only a quick summary of my year, one that I will continue to look back over for a long time to try to understand why and where it all went wrong and also where it went right, after all, we can't change the things that we don't acknowledge, we can't change our future without understanding our past, and we can't say, " I didn't mean to run over the dog", because , in fact, the dog is dead.
Right?
Be back soon.

Nuff said....

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6-7).

What an exciting and wild ride I have been on this past year.
Working with Clint Didier in this election process has been extremely rewarding and challenging and fulfilling.
No doubt, that this has changed my life path completely. No longer am I satisfied to do the inane, instead, I desire to work for the causes that are near-and-dear to my heart.
I have become an activist....and that is a very good thing.
So, what now?
We lost, after all.
Where do I go from here?
?????
I'm just waiting on the Lord's leading and He's given some ideas...we'll see what comes from them.
In the meantime, though, I'm focusing on the family and on my sorely neglected relationships due to the time that I had to pour into the campaign.
OK, here I go....

Go Clint!

I love being part of some thing bigger than myself, something important and God-ordained: the Clint Didier for US Senate campaign.
God has truly blessed Clint with a vision for the country that includes turning back to God Almighty, the Constitution, and true conservative ideals.
It is incredible to see how God is bringing together like-minded, God fearing people to surround Clint during this important election cycle, to hold him accountable, to lift him and his family to the Lord in prayer, to be the wind beneath his wings.
Never have I witnessed such sacrifice and dedication from ordinary people doing extraordinary things for a cause that is bigger than themselves.
I stand in awe....and I'm proud to be part of this team.
GO CLINT!!!!!

clintdidier.org

beauty from ashes....

Several years ago, I injured my neck and consequently suffered two herniated disks, one in my C-6 and one in my C-7.
Surgery, I was told, was my only option.
Really...?
Now, I had endured weeks of excruciating pain and I was quite done, to be honest, but, I did NOT believe that surgery was my only option because I serve a God who heals and I believe we, in this country, do not experience the miracle of healing because we do not ask; we simply defer to our insurance policies to take care of our physical bodies, which is great and fine, but, for me, at that point, I was hungry for a miracle.
And so, I got down on my knees and asked the Lord to heal my neck.
He did.
It was miraculous....amazing!
But..... he left behind a reminder; the tip of my right index finger had been numb from the onset of the injury and in His divine wisdom He left it that way...a reminder practically emblazened not only on my dominant hand but also on my most used finger; a reminder which gives me pause a hundred times a day.
GOD HEALED ME-NOT BECAUSE OF WHO I AM BUT TO SHOW WHO HE IS-HE LOVES AND DELIGHTS IN HIS CREATION.
He didn't heal me because I deserve it, but rather He healed me to reveal to me His character.
Isn't that just like God?
I was talking with a friend about some difficult circumstances in her life and she shared how God has brought her through it,though it has taken some time, however, there are occasions when she runs into the others involved in the situation and it reminds her of the pain and difficulty she and her family went through during that time.
I told her about my neck, my healing, and the "reminder" that God left behind and how her situation was really not all that different because those people are her "reminder" to praise God for His healing power in her heart and in her life.
We both left that encounter, I believe, feeling very blessed with the knowledge that no matter what life brings to our table, we are never alone....God is there and he delight in His creation and He knows what is best for us.
I think of Paul and the "thorn in his flesh" that he prayed for God to remove but was told no.
Now, I can honestly say that I understand why; that "thorn" caused more praise in God's direction than it caused pain in Paul's direction and I believe that
God is more interested in building our character into His image rather than making us more comfortable.
Praise be to God who creates beauty from ashes.

an excerpt from Pastor Frangipane......

Approximately two thousand years ago a decree was issued at the judgment seat of Almighty God. It provided "legal" protection for the church against the devil. Indeed, when Jesus died for our sins, the "ruler of this world" was judged (John 16:11). Our debts were nailed to Christ's cross and canceled; principalities and powers were disarmed. In truth, because of Jesus, we have a legal right, not only to be protected from our enemy but to triumph over him (Col. 2:13-15).

It does not matter what nation you come from, the sacrifice of Christ was so complete and the judicial decision from God against Satan so decisive that divine protection, enough to cover every need known to Christians, has been granted (see Rev. 3:10). Christ's death is the lawful platform upon which the church rises to do spiritual warfare; His Word is the eternal sword we raise against wickedness.
Having said that, we must also acknowledge that the church has only rarely walked in such victory since the first century. Why? At least in part, the answer is this: To attain the protection of Christ, the church must embrace the intercession of Christ. We must become a house of prayer.

Indeed, church history began with its leadership devoted to the Word of God and to prayer (Acts 2:42; 6:4). Every day the leaders gathered to pray and minister to the Lord (Acts 3:1). In this clarity of vision and simplicity of purpose, the church of Jesus Christ never had greater power or capacity to make true disciples.

Today, however, our qualifications for church leadership include almost everything but devotion to God's Word and prayer. Leaders are expected to be organizers, counselors, and individuals with winning personalities whose charms alone can draw people.

In Luke 18, Jesus challenges our modern traditions. He asks, "When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?" (v. 8). His question is a warning to Christians who would limit the power of God at the end of the age. Jesus is calling us to resist the downward pull of our traditions; He is asking us individually, "Will I find faith in you?"

Guilty...party of one...?

No one likes to feel guilty. It is like an unwelcome guest who shows up at the worst possible time and overstays their welcome no matter how badly you want them to leave.
However the truth is that we need guilt. It is the only proper response to any offense, whether driving over the speed limit, relishing a selfish thought, or even premeditated murder. Even if you aren't a spiritual person you'd want the burglar that broke into your house to feel guilty right? Why? Because he should. Guilt exposes the truth that we wish to avoid: we have sinned.
The bible says: "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us."
But wait, it gets better: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Guilt does more that deliver distressing news, it also unlocks the door to forgiveness, which leads to confession.
Confession works against the worst part of human nature, the part that imagines itself to be better that it really is. How many times have we heard, "well, I'm not perfect, but at least I'm not as bad as so and so."
This mindset always stop short of confessing, it would rather ignore or ease feelings of guilt rather than admit them. Only when we admit that we have sinned, unworthy of God's grace, can we make a fresh start.
I think C.S. Lewis said it best: "no man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good."

Thank you to my friend, Robin, who was so encouraging to me this morning, in fact, it was quite literally salve for my soul.
I sometimes forget how medicinal a kind word can be or a check up phone call, a thoughtful text, even a genuine smile in my direction...all good stuff.
Speaking of that...I'm off to go check on someone who is on my mind.
Pass it on.....

pressing on....

It is well...
It is well....with my soul......
Love that song.
What an excellent reminder for me to press on no matter my circumstances.
And so...here I am...pressing on.....
This weekend I attended the funeral of a friends' mom at our old church which is very conservative and "in the box", so to speak, and the eulogies were sweet and funny, but probably would have been more suited at a grange hall or a bowling alley, rather than a baptist church.
At the end, a friend of the family was asked to speak about....matters of faith, which I thought was good, in theory, and then I began to wonder if this was the best use of the time given or, rather should there have been more testimony about how a relationship with the God of the universe changes us, or how the Love that God shows us makes us more like Him which, in turn, draws the lost to us asking, "what's different about you?", know what I mean?
The whole thing gave me pause....which has caused me to ask myself that same question: am I making the best use of my time?
Does my life give testimony to the One whom I serve?
In contrast, the pastor at our new church was speaking on Sunday morning to a crowded service about that exact thing: how God has changed him since he gave his life to him all those years ago and how God doesn't care about our garbage because He loves us. He wants to take our garbage to the curb and leave it there forever, if only we'd reach out to Him and when we do the joy that floods our souls knowing that God has done all the work and that we are clean...if only we'd reach out to him....yes, there was scripture, of course, but it wasn't....churchy or guilt-ridden....it was just real, which is what people are hungry for in this world.
Real people of faith living out what they believe no matter the cost. Real people of faith who put others first ahead of their own selfish desires. Real people of faith who love in the name of the Lord instead of judging others who don't look like them or live like them, picking and choosing who should come to the Lord, so to speak.
For that is my desire: to love people in the name of the Lord and to be a good steward of the time given by the Lord, which I believe is short.
God has also reminded me that this space is a ministry and that I need to treat it so.
Pressing on....

just some awesome quotes....

“The church must be reminded that it is not the master or the servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state. It must be the guide and the critic of the state, and never its tool. If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an irrelevant social club without moral or spiritual authority.”

Dr. Martin Luther King

"Isn't it staggering when you think that one sermon on the day of Pentecost produced 3000 Christian people? And we had some cities yesterday where 3000 sermons were preached and nobody was saved. And it doesn't even faze us. The church used to be a lightning bolt, now it's a cruise ship. We are not marching to Zion - we are sailing there with ease. In the apostolic church it says they were all amazed - And now in our churches everybody wants to be amused. The church began in the upper room with a bunch of men agonizing, and it's ending in the supper room with a bunch of people organizing. We mistake rattle for revival, and commotion for creation, and action for unction. Look, I think this is a critical hour in history, the most critical hour in history; the Middle East is ready to blow up... the prestige of this nation we love has gone down ... As someone said, "We live in a theater of the absurd...
When did you last tiptoe out of the sanctuary when you dare not say a word? The church has to rediscover two things. One, the majesty and the Holiness of God, and the other, the sinfulness of sin." ---Leonard Ravenhill

United we stand....

Something new is happening in my blog-world!
My friend, Robin, and I will be starting a Bible study/accountability blog.
We will be sharing the space as authors and sharing ideas about our mutual studies.
Our hope is that we can gleen insight from one another as we, together, seek the Lord's will and His wisdom through the study of His Word.
We are so excited to see where God will take us as we journey together through the Bible and as we seek the Lord in all understanding.
I am also committed to faithfully praying for all my bloggy friends as we, together, enter a new year and as we, together, seek to give glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through our testimony and our shared blogs.

"For where two or three are gathered together in MY name, I am there in the midst of them..."---Matt. 18:20

Taking Chance.....

This movie was on of the most beautiful stories I have ever seen told on film and every American needs to watch it.
It is the story of a decorated Marine Colonel who volunteered to escort the remains of a young fallen soldier killed in Irag back to his family and hometown.
This movie is simply his observations along the way.
Stunning....beautiful....

I don't know what to call this...

A fresh word was spoken into my ear which has quite literally stopped me in my tracks: "We don't go to church.....we ARE the CHURCH."
(much pondering going on in my head...around and around and around she goes...where she'll end up....nobody knows.....)
Hebrews 10:24-25 says this:

"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."

To "consider one another" literally means: to observe, to contemplate, to have an intelligent insight into."
All those things require us to have a relationship with one another out side the walls of the church building in order to accomplish those things.
Note that "love and good works" need to be stirred up, they don't just occur. It speaks of a convulsion and forcefully of the tremendous impact believers can have on each other, which is why the author compels them to gather together, right?
I get all that, I really do...I am UBER relational and I have no problem with this scripture so far as it applies to our fellowship with believers....beyond Sunday morning.
But, and here's the BUT....is this a description of why we gather together for worship? or is it more of a recipe for good fellowship minus the building???
That's where I keep landing.
For me and my family, corporate worship is for seeking God and God alone in worship and praise and adoration, for when you try to add in "stirring up love and good works" it sort of muddies things up when the focus is put back on temporal things(man) instead of eternal things(God).
We so desire that pure worship, pure devotion to God...I hear of worship services in India, for example, that go on for hours into the afternoon where afterwards they eat together and share their experiences with fellow their believers.
Worship/praise and seeking God's face are TOTALLY separate from the time of fellowship with other believers.
Do you see that?
I do.
I believe that the author of Hebrews was not describing what our Sunday morning worship should look like but, rather, it is a beautiful description of true fellowship which occurs usually Monday-Saturday and it speaks to the purpose of fellowship as well.
I think we are so used to trying to "have it all" on Sunday morning that we have crammed it all together and have ruined the whole thing, for us, at least, which is why we have chosen to worship elsewhere,(gasp) but yet we still seek the fellowship with believers and friends where we have served along side of them and served God for many years.
The absolute best part of this whole situation is that it was through God's leading that brought us to where we are at. It has been a process of revealing Himself to us a little here and a little there until we came to see the whole picture.
First came discontent, but He used that to move us in a different direction. Then He revealed to me His design for true worship and then, he began to show me how to LOVE-really LOVE people which has led to understanding and purposeful/meaningful fellowship. Along the way He has showed Himself in mighty ways and He has asked that I OBEY HIM even if I don't understand His ways, I believe, in preparation for showing us His will and showing us how to please Him instead of man. Can we talk about the "huge" awareness of ETERNITY that He has placed in my heart???? I know I make people nuts, I am a broken record, I know, but it is obviously a gift from the Lord, a calling, because He has asked that I be a HERALD, for the Morning Star has risen in my heart and I cry out in the darkness in preparation for the LIGHT. Now, this year, He has asked that we "SEEK AFTER HIM"... we have.....which has brought us here.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that we are EXACTLY where God would have us to be.
I stand in awe.....

"YOU'RE SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL......AND THERE IS NO WAY THAT I COULD LET GO...CUZ YOU'RE SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL......"

Theme for 2010....

It's a New Year and what comes with that is a new Theme, or possibly the same theme?
I was looking over last year's posts and reading over the Journey to LOVE theme that the Lord gave me.
WOW-what a journey!
It was very emotional for me to read over the things God spoke to my heart over the last year...He was ALWAYS there...guiding me...loving me, in spite of me, surrounding me with people who held me to that standard.
I feel so blessed-thank you, Father, your many blessings.
So, what is my Theme for 2010: SEEKING THE LORD
Seeking the Lord, as Mary did, sitting in His presence in utter adoration, not in the dutiful/busy/performance manner, as Martha chose.
I am throwing off those encumbrances that so easily ensnare me and choosing instead, to seek His Holy presence, to worship Him without abandon, to seek His will and His will alone, to not move until I hear Him say-"MOVE".
Tall order...because it is so easy to get lost in our SERVICE to the LORD that we forget to actually SEEK HIM first.
I encourage you to ask the Lord to give you a Theme for the coming year. Then ask Him to show you how to live it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you.

"Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God."
I Chronicles 22:19

to go or not to go....

Some of the most God-minded people I know do NOT attend a church on a regular basis. They have (bravely) shook off the encumbrances of organized church in order to seek God beyond the walls.....
Why?
Because they only occasionally encountered God in their churches and more often than not, they left a congregational meeting more thirsty for the reality of God, instead, they were filled up with information about God without actually drawing near to Him.
This, too, has been my experience.
"To seek and find God is everything."
There is something lacking in our churches today....something so basic.
I believe it is a true, souled-out, unencumbered, communing worship with the God of the universe.
We have bought into the lie that serving at church, fellowshipping with other church people, ministry training, is the same thing as actually seeking God.
I think of Moses and his encounter with God. Moses ascended Mt. Sinai, stood before the Great I AM, beheld the glory of the Lord all around him, heard the audible voice of the Lord, returned to the people and the bible says he "did not know that the skin of his face shone," The people were afraid to draw near to him because they saw that he had been with God.
That is what I am thirsty for-climbing up God's holy mountain to encounter Him in such a way that my very countenance is changed.
I'm not sure that it is possible to have such an encounter like that in church today, in fact, it would probably make most people uncomfortable.
We're too ordered, scheduled, and defined.
No room for the moving of the Holy Spirit here.(caution: quenching of the Holy Spirit could lead to a hard heart.)
And yet, I do encounter God and I experience sweet times of worshiping Him, talking with Him, seeking His heart and just being with Him.
Ironically, those encounters rarely happen at church and dare I say, never during worship.
My question is this: is there something wrong with me?
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Have I been so indoctrinated that I believe that the church is to provide all my spiritual needs and that fellowshipping with other believers is a substitute for a having a beautiful relationship with the Lord of the universe?????
It sort of reminds me of this current culture crisis.
Some people have come to believe that big government will solve all of our problems.
In like manner, some believe that big church is the answer to those who have a crisis of faith.
So, what is the answer?
Are my expectations too high for organized church?
Possibly....probably.
So, what is the purpose of being part of a church if I rarely encounter God within its confines?
I believe that God will provide me with wisdom that will lead to understanding and I also believe that it will be a process.(...is a process....still processing......)
(I'll get there.)
While I am still on this earth, I don't want to waste time worrying about "coloring within the lines" and, to be honest, my only desire is to please God, not man.(encumbrances, mentioned above.)
My true hearts desire would be to be part of a home-church; like-minded people gathered together for the sole purpose to worship God through studying His word, prayer, singing praises to His name, to be with people who have encountered God and to think that is the norm, not the exception, to be with people who are absolutely in love with Jesus, what I call "Jesus freaks."
Aahhh....that sounds heavenly.
Father,not my will, but Thine be done.