dark days.....

See how I am?
On the one hand I can go on and on about a subject which inspires me to babble and rant and rave until I am positively spent and left panting.
Then....nothing.
How is it that I can have so much to say one day and feel completely irrelevant the next??
I fear that my flair for the dramatic pours over into my ability to maintain a status-quo.
I am either "all fired up" or I feel obtuse.
I am either hot or cold.
Is there something wrong with me????
Maybe I am bi-polar, you know, high..then low.
???????????????????
Here are some song lyrics from Ginny Owens:

"What's wrong? What's right? Absolute confusion.
What's black? What's white? Everything looks hazy.
Such scenarios bring me to only one conclusion-
Maybe we've all gone crazy.
Oh, it's so clearly cloudy in the land of the grey."

I have moments when the "land of the grey" sounds....peaceful....free from decisions, obligations, turmoil.....integrity.
Sometimes I loiter there for days and weeks before I realize that I have believed the lie the enemy has served up for me; the lie that was complacency.
That is my struggle.
But, I believe that God created in me, in fact in all of us, a desire to be either hot or cold, not lukewarm or complacent because he knows that the enemy dwells in that place known as the "land of the grey".
What is the opposite of love?
It is apathy.
Most would say it was hate, but, I would argue that hate can be changed to love in a "New York" minute whereas apathy is devoid of emotion, it is a hard-heartedness.
God is showing me that when I feel obtuse, it is because I am not seeking Him and not seeking to stay connected to the Vine, therefore I shrivel up and become dry and weary and suceptible to attacks from the enemy.
And, so I need to stay connected to the Vine for he is my source of strength. He is my inspiration, my muse.
I am nothing without Him.
Thank you Father for your love, your salvation, your grace, your forgiveness.
Thank you to my sisters who inspire me to stay connected to the Vine.