Memorial Day....Ginger's memoriam for her friends....
I'm a little slow.
OK, so I will, in the theme of giving memorial to something, give a memorial to those people and circumstances that shaped who I am today.
In chronological order:
Dan-my twin brother who grew up with me and who stuck by me. He endured, not only his own punishments, but mine, as well, and visa versa and he was my constant companion. He taught me the meaning of loyalty and through our shared experiences I aquired my strong sense of justice.
My mom-though I have few memories of her because she died when we were only 7 yrs old, I have a sense of her that is almost palpable...her strength, her tenacity, the fierce love she had for her children. I learned my sense of value from her. My sister was 17 when we were born, my mother, 42, so naturally when we were out together people would assume that we were Karen's kids, not my mother's, and my mom hated that!
"These are MY children, not hers." she would say to those who questioned.
She was proud to be my mom and through that I have learned to value my children as precious jewels.
My Dad-I was never very close to my dad. After my mom died, he remarried very quickly, and, though that didn't work out later on for me, what I know is that my dad did what he had to do to make sure we were taken care of. He found us a replacement mom and checked out emotionally from me. My memories, my take on it, however, what I learned from that whole experience is that sometimes, as a parent, we do what is necessary for the greater good. My dad was a hard worker, a good provider, a Godly man, and completely unavailable to me. What I learned from him was that men are weak and are nothing without a good woman behind them. I learned that children are to be seen and NOT heard. I learned what it was like to have no value.
Fortunately, I also learned to be self-reliant and to love myself, when I felt like noone else would.
God-after my mom died, He was my constant companion. Although I didn't recognize who he was, He literally held me in my darkest hours, and showed me love. He told me that I could be with my mother again, which comforted me, and He filled me with a sense of worth that would sustain me throughout my life. He told me that He would never leave me and that He would always love me, no matter how far I wandered away from Him. I learned that I have a Heavenly Father who is trustworthy. And He was sorry that my earthly father had hurt me so. He gave me the gift of love and of faith, that has never faltered over the years. He set eternity in my heart and I still long for it day and night. God came to me, as a little girl lost, and He showed me His heart. Now, I live for Him, for His will, to show others how He saved me from me.
When I think of my life without God I imagine that I would be so full of myself, a survival skill that began innocently enough would probably have turned me into a self-centered, prideful, shallow, shell of a someone seeking love and acceptance in all the wrong places and in all the wrong things.
All of my friends that I had during my "impressionable years"(Linda K, Mary, Debbie, Dana, Laura, Laurie, Shari, Alison, Devin- my friends became my family to me. They were my champions, my heroes, my greatest fans. I put all my strength into these relationships because they were rewarding to me, and I absolutely delighted in them. They loved me for who I was and I didn't have to prove anything to them. I learned to laugh and I learned what it was to experience joy. I learned the gift of friendship from those precious ones who entered my life and gave me love at a time in my life when I needed it most. I learned that in order to receive love you have to give it. I learned what it was to be loyal, that "no greater love hath he that he would lay down his life for his friends". My friends saved me. I am forever grateful to them.
Well, that took me through high school, which is enough for now.
It's interesting to take inventory over your life and really look at those things which were so important. Maybe it didn't seem that way at the time, which is why it's good to look back, for the sake of perspective.
Thank you Ginger for the inspiration to do so.
Happy Memorial Day.
