My thoughts are heavy laden......
I am wandering through a cynical season right now and I'm finding it difficult to muddle through to the other side.
My empasse is trying to love the unlovable, even though I KNOW that that is what we are called to do.
My reason is screaming all the platitudes due to me and yet, it is of no matter.
Bitterness has taken me.
I suppose I could placate myself by saying that the scorn that I endure from others is not personal to me necessarily but simply it is a character flaw that they have, therefore it is not my problem but theirs.
Could I derive some comfort from those thoughts?
Sure.
However, those thoughts are purely prideful and shameful and I will not go there.
So, I am right back here at the foot of bitterness knowing that it is I who must take the high road and forgive in order to get to the other side.
The high road.....so NOT there.
"I will never leave nor forsake you." says my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately, that promise does not extend from His people, who are erred and blind and lame(present company included).
My whole life I have experienced God in mighty ways; His mercy and forgiveness, His love and salvation, His provision and His grace.
I have always known that in my early years God protected me from injustices done to me in my family life and He gave me such an awareness of His love for me that He knew would give strength to survive difficult times.
I have been in awe of that my whole life, however, just recently have I been aware of the extent of that protection and the reason for it; to offer to others what has been given to me unconditionally to show His glory, not mine.
I know that it is not for me to understand all things, but to be obedient to God by showing love unconditionally.
I'll get there...eventually, only with God's help.
"Father, I want less of me and more of you. Forgive me for my pride and unforgiveness."
4 comments:
Lori, I missed you this morning. The sermon was great...it was about how we respond when it seems God has hidden his face from us, for lots of different reasons. I hear your hurt. If I can help let me know. But I love you and will pray for you...Hope to see you tonight...
Don't you hate it when you know in your head what you need to do and your heart is just not there for whatever reason?
I don't know exactly what is going on in your life but I have been there and continue to cycle there occasionaly...like recently. It's ugly.
I feel your pain. I guess what I feel is not really your pain, because I haven't walked your road. But, what you describe sounds like my pain, too! It is comforting to remember that there is One who does feel our pain; He walks the road with us. He endures everything that we endure, and He wants to help if only we can lean on Him. Let's hold each other up in prayer.
Lori, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I too know the pain of bitterness and unforgiveness.The Lord has taught me many lessons in both and I'm sure I have many more to learn. I will be praying for you. Love ya, Christy
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