Yesterday was a difficult day for me.
I am PMSing so that means everything is huge; sounds are huge, emotions are running high, but, beyond that I am really grieving over very real hurts and I need to allow myself to feel those things without the self-condemnation that comes with PMSing.
Know what I mean?
My sister moved away about 6 months ago and I really miss her.
My brother, Jim, is...how you say???...not really interested in me and my family, he's got "issues" and that's fine, you know...that's the way it's always been so I don't expect alot from him.
My twin brother, Dan, on the other hand has always been been important to me and we've always had a good relationship up until about 3 years ago.....
There was a shift in my side of the relationship because it appeared to be so one-sided and I got frustrated and decided to see how long it would take for him to get in touch with me if I stop persuing the relationship.
I know....I know....NOW!!!!
I totally set him up to fail.....I know!
My bad!
So now it's 3 years later and there is no relationship and I am such a schmuck!!!!
I miss him....but he doesn't miss me...obviously.
What do I do with that hurt, that wound?
Well, I could bury it and it would poison me.
I could lash out and really give him a piece of my mind, which would probably completely sever ties for "all time and eternity".
Or, I could forgive him for being SO lame and love him anyway, in spite of him.
Right now, I am just sad.
I know the right thing to do and I will forgive him.....right now, though the PMS wants to wallow in it and have a righteous "pity-party" where I'm the ONLY guest, well, I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and wants to comfort me, ya know.... He's cool like that, so He can come, too.
I was talking to a friend last night and she suggested that Dan might have a problem with my relationship with the Lord because he doesn't have one and that makes him uncomfortable.
I don't know....
Jesus said they hated Him and that they will hate us, too, but I never thought that meant family, ya know, that's just wrong.
Please pray for me that God will restore my relationship with Dan.
Thank you.
4 comments:
I am sorry you are hurting Lori. I will be pray for you.
It is so hard when we are hurt by others, especially when it is someone that we truly desire a relationship with. You are wise to wait until you are feeling better to make decisions and you a right, God loves you right where you are at, so it is always best to invite Him to whatever kind of party you are having. ;)
~Carol
I'll be praying for you, too, Lori. Don't give up.
I totally know what you mean about Pmsing , everything is magnified. And I know too how it feels to know the right response to a situation and yet not feeling like responding that way... the best thing to do is wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength, both physically and emotionally. When you are sad, I am sad. Hang in there. I love you.
Post a Comment